This should come as no surprise to most people, but it really sucks to be fat.

I know, I know, there is a whole movement dedicated to “fat acceptance” and to them my disdain for being overweight might sound like self-hatred. I assure you, it is not. My statement is also not an attack on women (or men) who enjoy their larger bodies and feel comfortable the way they are. Kudos, folks, I have absolutely no issue with your bellies, thighs, or double chins. That being said: I still hate being fat.

I hate the way jeans squeeze me so much around my middle. I hate that I am constantly tugging at my clothes; pulling shirts down and yanking pants up to hide a spare tire is embarrassing and annoying. I hate that, in the summer, I have to wear leggings under all my dresses to avoid chafing and boils. I hate that my bras dig into my chest and shoulders causing major discomfort. I hate that my clothing options are sparse and, generally, have to come from overpriced stores that cater to “plus size” women. I hate that I can’t move the way I used to and that my body hurts more often than not. I hate that when I look in the mirror I don’t recognize the person starting back anymore.

I have felt this way for awhile, but it’s really come to a head recently when I realized how utterly unhappy I am with my life and size. Being uncomfortable in your own body takes it’s toll on you mentally and physically and I am, seriously, so done feeling this way. My lack love comfort in my own body has probably contributed to relationships failing, jobs not being landed, and an overall feeling that I am just not “good enough” to be successful, or that I don’t deserve attention because “only weirdos like fat girls.” I have spent my 30s feeling mostly alone and isolated, incapable of really enjoying new activities, adventures, and love because I haven’t felt very well in a long, long time. This is no way to live and I am tired of it.

I’ve decided to start this blog as a way to keep me accountable and to help me document my new habits and positive changes. I also would like to use it as a springboard for connecting with other people who are at the same point in their lives and looking for some camaraderie in their quest. If you’re on the same path, I’d love to hear from you.